21 Aug 2011

My Life Savers

I hate to remember my life back in 2004. They were the worst days of my life, when I was in 11th and 12th Junior College. I completed my schooling in Kalyan, but then dad brought this new big house in Navi-Mumbai and we shifted to our new house as soon as my 10th Board exams got over. All over vacation, waiting for my 10th results to come out, I use to spend my time working in our new garden. Planting new flower plants, cleaning garden and playing with our new pup were my only time pass back then.

 The result came out and I joined Junior college opting for Science stream. Before joining college, I was very nervous (the usual anxiety we all get when we are going to totally new place). This city was clearly new for me. My old school friends were in Kalyan and here I didn’t had any friend so far. I remember calling my best friend from school and wishing her luck for the first day in the college. On the contrary, she was excited and happy because she had our other school mates to go along with her.
To be frank, forget my first day but the rest of the year went boring. I failed to make new friends in this new place. I did try my best to start a conversation with new people, sharing my interest, laughing at their not-so-funny jokes, greeting them good morning and good byes, but that was it. I noticed even before joining college, they had their own group (a close group who clearly said no entry for newcomers). Out of curiosity, I asked few students that how they made such a great group.
They just use to smile and reply “Oh! This is our school group.
And I knew the answer – I was an outsider. It irritated me to the core and somehow I started blaming this new house for my loneliness.
I started thinking “If dad had not brought this new house, we would have never left Kalyan (the city where I grew and the place where my friends are enjoying their college).”
By 12th, I accepted the fact that all the students around me would only say good morning and good byes, but they would never include me in their group, share their jokes, ask me for trips etc.
Somehow, I accepted my loneliness and started spending lot of time with my dog – Blacky. Ofcourse, she was the only one who didn’t had the so called GROUP and was available for me 24*7.
(Blacky is no more, she died on 28 April 2007 due to Throat Cancer. But this friend stays in my heart for lifetime).

The worst two years of my life ended with HSC(Higher Secondary Board) exams and I was again sitting at home waiting for results. Remembering those days, I only have two words –
1. Loneliness. 2. Depression.
The whole idea of college being a FunZone became myth for me and I somehow accepted the fact that the college life they show in movies and television serials is mere fiction.
I thought I was incapable of making friends back then.

So, my routine was to attend college, come home, study and sleep. Boring, right?
But then something good came out of it. As I got lot of free time for myself (with none of my friends calling me, meeting me), I grabbed a book and started reading it. I remember the first book which I read was Jurassic Park by Micheal Crichton. Slowly, I started developing interest in reading. The next book I read was Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte and this book was gifted to me by my school on occasion of farewell party. And it was kept in my drawer untouched until my HSC vacations. As the time passed by, I got a habit of reading a book daily and this is how I got my life saver and my best friend.
So, from this day I never felt a need of friend to be specific.

When I joined my degree college (BSC IT), surprisingly I made loads of friends just in one day. And within a month, I had my own group of friends, who are still with me now. Friends who use to call me, plan trips with me, pull my leg, laugh at me and cry with me. But in all this I never forgot my special friend – books. I still use to read books in my degree college and my friends never use to understand why I am so crazy about them. They still call me “book worm”.

So, in all this I know one thing for sure – you have friends or you don’t have, books and animals are always your life savers.


Ankita said...

Sometimes people label you as an outsider simply because life is offering you a chance to look inside yourself. You did. And you discovered a place you can call your own. Your comfort zone, a world of imagination. It has landed you to the land of Entrapped! :-)

Sneha said...

I agree Ankita... very true :)

Nethra said...

There are many group at my college too and I don't belong to any. Still trying to make friends.
The first book that I read was...I mean first novel was "Invisible man"

Sneha said...

but Nethra you don't need any group right? you have special friend called "books" with you :)

Rahul Ramachandran said...

Friends are like messenger of God they are with u through thick and thin. But he cant take care of one all the time. Instead a part of him always stay with you.At the end they exist in life to give you helping hand to encourage you to swim just further distance to reach the Shore.

Alpana Jaiswal said...

Sneha,I totally relate to your feelings.Its happened with me,after living in Nagpur for 15 years,I have shifted,and its very difficult for me and my daughter. But at times u have no other option in life.I have solace in blogging,and like u reading.Sorry to hear about your dog,I know that pain also....I loved your post..honest...

Sneha said...

@Rahul : very true...

@Alpana : Yes and now I know that even if I am alone, I am happy. So, at least I don't get depressed when I am alone. Infact I take some time out from my schedule to spend it in reading and playing with my dogs(I have 4 now)

Jan said...

Books were one of my survival tools and my cat. I understand. Great read.

Sneha said...

Thanks Jan :)

Yash said...

Very well written. I love my iPod and my books. They are more patient than people. :)
Please read my latest blog post as well...Please promote it here: http://bit.ly/pnls4G

Jyoti Arora (author of Dream's Sake) said...

Well, I'm a patient of Thalassemia Major. Due to growing medical problems, I had to stop going to school after class seventh. Since then, my world has stayed limited to just my home. I never went back to school after that, no college for me either, nor no office.
Even when I used to go to school, I could never take part in walks or trips that my friends used to so love. And when I left school, my friends all sort of drifted away and became busy in their own circles. At such a time, books were the only friends I could have. And they did not just help me stay occupied, they gave me a dream too - the dream of being a writer. So I think I can say without any hesitation that books have been and still are my best friends.

Sneha said...

Jyoti, I did read about your Thalassemia struggle. Life is so challenging but glad that you are accepting it gracefully.

Someone is Special said...

First time here... I do agree with your thoughts..

Someone is Special

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